I Am Not a Quitter

Integrating Work into Life Post-Burnout

After working 7 months straight, frequently with work weeks exceeding 50 and 60 hours and some closer to 80 - with early mornings, late nights and weekends often interrupted by “work emergencies”, every ounce of energy I had was depleted. Unfocused and unproductive, my cognitive and emotional capacity was tapped out. I found myself disconnected from my team, my clients, and my broader professional network, problematic for sure; but I was also withdrawing from family and friends.  By July, I found myself traveling back and forth from Boston to LA every 4 days for weeks at a time.  Work had become all consuming… I was burnt out. 

 I’ve always moved forward at one of two speeds – fast and faster.  There was something different this time that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but it was becoming perfectly clear that working at breakneck pace for 7 months without a break meant I was neglecting myself.  Worse I was becoming a “do as I say, not as I do” person.  I didn’t see the negative impact that my behavior had on my team and our broader work culture until it was too late. As a member of senior management in the organization it is my responsibility to take care of the people on my team. Setting a strong example of how to integrate work into life is a big part of that responsibility.  So now, I wasn’t just a burnout, I was a burnt-out failing leader.  I had to make changes but first I had to step away from work. 

UNPLUG, RECHARGE & RECONNECT

It was the end of the day on the first Friday in August when I logged off my computer to take my first PTO days of 2022. I nervously packed up, leaving my laptop at home, and shutting off all notifications on my phone as I made the drive up the New England coast to my family’s home in Maine for a week’s vacation. I even removed my work apps from my phone home screen, hoping out of sight, out of mind would kick in and prevent me from checking in at work. If I was successful in my plan to truly unplug, recharge, and reconnect with my family, it would be the first time in over 20 years that I didn’t work on a vacation. As I write this now, I realize what a truly sad commentary that is on my life, but that is a story for another time.

 I was successful in not logging into work email. In fact, I did such a good job at disconnecting that I barely picked up my phone at all over those 10 days.  But work wasn’t completely off my mind. After decompressing for a few days, I took time to reevaluate my priorities, to make decisions about how I would approach work upon my return and how I could better support my team. By the end of my time in Maine I had identified the right priorities or perhaps better said, the promises I would make to myself.

• Prioritize my overall health above all else

• When it’s time to work, be all in 

• Unapologetically honor the boundaries that I set

• Demonstrate self-compassion

 In those 10-days away from work I began to appreciate my burnout.  It turned out to be the catalyst I needed to understand that leading and being in service to others the way I wanted to, meant I needed to start showing up for myself the way I continuously showed up for others.  It reminded me of author Eleanor Brownn’s words, Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. 

“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

— Eleanor Brown

Before my vacation I was giving the rest of me, when I wanted to give the best of me to my team.  

HOW DOING YOUR JOB BECAME QUIET QUITTING

Upon returning to the office and still not exactly sure how I was going to implement the promises I made into my work week, I was explaining to a colleague the clarity that I gained about better integrating work into my life. And that’s when they said to me, “So, you’re quiet quitting.” Admittedly it was the first time I heard the phrase quiet quitting. My initial thought was “I am not a quitter.”  I mean, seriously, not only am I not a quitter, but I am a dedicated leader hyper-focused on taking care of the people on my team and company at-large. 

 My first impression of this phrase was that it referred to a disengaged employee who shows up at the office but doesn’t do much of anything, simply skating by, punching a time clock, and collecting a check at the end of the week.  But my colleague explained that my impression was incorrect, and that quiet quitting actually referred to someone deciding to not go above and beyond instead opting to simply do their job. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, that somehow doing your job is no longer enough. My always “be curious” personality left me feeling compelled to dig into the concept of quiet quitting to better understand its origins.

 The phrase quiet quitting exploded on TikTok after Zaid K’s 17 second video went viral with over 3.5 million views in late July. Now arguably the year’s most trending work topic (at time of publication #QuietQuitting has 127.6M views on TikTok alone).  But what exactly is quiet quitting and where did the phrase originate? Unable to find original source documents the best I can figure is that quiet quitting was first used by Economist Mark Boldger in 2009 but gained recent traction from the lifestyle and social protest movement, Tang Ping, in China which began in April of last year.  Tang Ping translates to “lying flat,” rejecting the common overworking practice of the 996 working hour system adopted by some companies in China that made their official work week 72 hours, 9:00am – 9:00pm, 6 days a week.  

STOP LOUD FAILING

While a 72-hour work week in the United States isn’t widely accepted as official, it is not uncommon in practice.  Our hustle mentality was only reenforced with advancements in technology, but it was the COVID-19 pandemic, in my opinion, that further blurred the lines between home and work, which cemented our always on, always available expectations. As a labor force we have consistently increased productivity, yet wages haven’t kept pace. According to the Economic Policy Institute the productivity-pay gap has steadily increased over the last 40 years with productivity growing 3.5 times as much as pay. 

Wages alone, while important, were not the sole root cause of the Great Resignation in 2021 and certainly not the only factor in people choosing to show up differently at work in 2022.  People are beginning to realize that grinding it out for something and someone else for 40 or 50 years may not be the path that makes the most sense for them.  Not that long ago, I heard Kevin O’Leary, best known as Shark Tank Investor Mr. Wonderful, say, “a salary is a drug they give you when they want you to forget about your dreams.” This, this is what I think is driving the mass exit from corporate America.  The value proposition is no longer there for most workers.  With the technology as the great equalizer the lure of the American Dream is stronger than ever. 

 Living and working through the COVID-19 Pandemic we learned an awful lot about ourselves and our workplaces.  In discussions with friends and peers in my professional network, we collectively, and in some cases, universally observed the same workplace challenges. We learned that we didn’t need to endure a multi-hour commute to sit in a cubical for 10 hours a day to be productive.  We learned that pulling together to get the job done during a crisis was largely appreciated with words not action; and in the long run only reset already unrealistic expectations for what could be done each day.  We learned that most leaders are actually not leaders at all; that a large majority of them are barely managing to get by, ill equipped and unsupported themselves.  We learned that top down, unilateral decision making, lack of transparency and poor communication are more often the norm, than the exception in today’s corporate culture.  So, with all that – feeling overworked, underappreciated, and underpaid with little opportunities for growth, bad direct managers, worse executives devoid of leadership skills propagating toxic work cultures and leaving no room to simply take a breath and enjoy life – is it any wonder why the American workforce is disengaged?  

 I’m still not sure I like the phrase quiet quitting; I find it somewhat demeaning.  I believe it unfairly puts the burden of workplace engagement solely on the employees when we’re supposed to be playing a team sport.  I tend instead to agree with Leigh Henderson, former HR executive and current career coach, when she said in a TikTok rant of sorts, “We shouldn’t be focused on quiet quitting, we should be focusing our attention on the countless organizations that routinely and consistently engage in loud failing, by putting profits over people and then stupidly sitting back and wondering why people don’t want to work there.”  Now that’s a hashtag I can get behind - #StopLoudFailing.  

HONORING PROMISES

If you are living the words of Simon Sinek, trying to be the “leader you wish you had,” how can you make a positive impact? Is quiet quitting right for you? How can you stop loud failing your team and your colleagues?  I’m not sure I know how to answer that for others, but I can share how I am honoring the promises I made to myself. 

Prioritize my overall health above all else

I am creating small, consistent daily changes that together will support my emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health – nutrition, sleep, meditation, tai chi, walking, journaling, acupuncture – everything is on the table but in manageable and achievable increments.  I am following the framework laid out by James Clear in Atomic Habits and am using a Habit Tracker to monitor my progress.

When it’s time to work, be all in

I don’t know how to be anything but all in. I needed to create boundaries that allow me to be all in sometimes, without feeling like I’m failing or letting down my team when I step away.  My work plan is simple, limit my daily work to 9 hours a day.  I’ve gone back to the basics and practice time blocking, reserving 30 minutes at the start and end of my day for planning. I particularly like the Full Focus System.  There is one and only one exception… I am always all in and available for my team, period.

Unapologetically honor the boundaries that I set

People, and in this case an organization, will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.  If I don’t create and honor my own boundaries, why would anyone else?  My biggest issue with boundary setting or historic lack thereof, is my yes mentality.  As a friend once told me, “You must control your inputs to protect your outputs.”  In other words, I must learn to use my No’s to protect my Yes’s.  Easier said than done, until I learned a trick from Dean Graziosi, The Not to Do List, that’s right, we can have a not to do list.  As we grow and evolve in our careers it’s important to learn that what once served us may no longer serve us. Identify those things, put them on the list and stop doing them. 

Demonstrate self-compassion

On my path to being a better human I’ve discovered my authentic self, defined my core values and am developing the skills necessary to humanize business by leading with empathy and kindness in service to others. What I have yet to master is the art of self-compassion – in the simplest of terms giving myself that same kindness and care I’d give to a dear friend.  Knowing I have a long road of discovery ahead of me on this one, I am honoring this promise by increasing my awareness of self-compassion as a concept and practice, especially as it relates to self-kindness and self-judgment; I have very little of one and too much of the other.  I am relying on the work of Dr. Kristin Neff to guide me as I take these first steps. 

Call it quiet quitting or loud failing, in the end it is a stressed induced reaction to burnout, after all organizations are simply a group of people trying to achieve a shared outcome.  I am 5 weeks in to honoring the promises I made to myself on that beach in Maine and you know what?  I am focused and productive. Not one person has questioned my commitment to my team or our clients.  I’m not even sure anyone has noticed the changes that I’ve made. I have and I am better for them. 

 I’m hopeful that candidly sharing my burnout experience and what some might call my plan to quietly quit will give others the permission to evaluate their priorities and to refocus on what matters to them. I am energized by the idea that I have the great opportunity to create representation for others who are experiencing symptoms of burnout by demonstrating that there is a way to be professionally successful and enjoy a life worth living.